Candies's "Best Selection"

Artist: Candies (Japan)

Album: Best Selection incomplete

Oh boy. This should be fun.

It is so hard to convey sarcasm over the internet, but that was it.

Candies were an extremely (and I mean extremely) popular Japanese pop-idol group in the 70s. If that doesn't just spell "winner" I don't know what does.

.... Sarcasm.

Apparently there are still fucking rumors that they will reunite. They disbanded in 1977 for Christ's sake and yet all the 12 year old girls (who are now 45) and pedophiles want them back.

Anyhow...

Let's start with Anata no Muchuu.

Well, it sounds very 70s.

And it's painfully happy.

With the staple chipmunk-esque J-Pop vocalists.

It's so repetitive, you could play the first minute of the song over and over again and it wouldn't change.

Sounds like some true Japanese pop. Fits all the requirements.

But, idol bands are all about looks, not about the music. Which is why I hate idol bands so much.

Yasashii Akuma...
Well, the first line of the song is the title. That's always a sign of utter lameness. (I mean, there are exceptions, but--)

I admit, this band is not as bad as the other Japanese pop I've heard. It's nothing spectacular, but it's listenable. Hell, it's slightly catchy. I admit it.

Toshishita no Otoko no Ko is equally peppy. Pretty much as sugary sweet as you can get. Those who know me know that I don't especially like that, unless it's purely ironic.

But, as if they wrote their own music anyhow. They were too busy dancing, looking cute and occasionally singing.

I can imagine "back in the day" rebels would have despised this, but "nowadays" it has that sort of old charm that is a little hard to resist.

Sono Ki ni Sasenaide's first line is also the title of the song. I just can't tell you how lame that sounds. In fact, they say it twice. And at the beginning of the other verses. I'm not sure what it translates out to be, but it can't possibly be that deep that you have to say it 10 times.

Shochuu Omimai Moushiagemasu again begins with the song title. Sigh.

Well, I pretty much want to vomit my intestines out of my throat hole listening to this cavity-inducing sweet music.

Haru Ichiban really doesn't bring much else, especially with that stupid song title (I believe it translates to "Spring is the best". Deep shit right there.)

And hey look at that! I'm done! Thank God for incomplete downloads, it must have known I didn't want this.

2 out of 5

I ADMIT. Some of it is undeniably catchy. I can actually see some people enjoying this. I may have even enjoyed it a little bit. But that doesn't change the fact that I never want to listen to it again.