Black Shelter's "Awake/Nobody's Perfect"

Artist: Black Shelter (Japan)
Album: Awake/Nobody’s Perfect (2007)

Alrighty, short review here.

Um, starts out with Awake. I honestly think I downloaded this about three years ago when I was still listening to ~*~J-ROCK~*~.
So, without a doubt, it’s godawful. I can say that with confidence. Well, the majority of the damn genre is awful, so—
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I’m pretty sure this is just “J-Rock”, not Visual-Kei. It has that boring-as-vanilla alternative sound rather than… well, the horrible V-Kei sound.
And yes, it has a female vocalist, which makes them SO SO UNIQUE!!!!

Nobody’s Perfect begins with….
“Nobody’s Perfect yeeahahh Nobody’s Perfect, its okay, don’t worry”.
God, just fucking kill me now. I would’ve eaten this up three years ago, but nowadays I just feel like gagging myself whenever I hear music like this.

Track three is (kanji)shii Hito. For the record, I think the kanji is “Ito”, which would make the title “Itoshii Hito”. Which translates to “The Most God Damn Cliché Song Title in Existence”.
There’s just really nothing to say. It’s so mediocre, it actually makes me angry.

Okay, okay, last song. I told you this was short.
This is Brave Girl. It sounds like it’s trying too hard to be edgy or dark or something. Good luck with that. While you attempt to do that, I’ll be over here wiping my computer of all traces of Black Shelter.

1 out of 5.
Just don’t even bother.

Black Cats' "Cream Soda Presents"

Artist: Black Cats (Japan)
Album: Cream Soda Presents (1981)

So, is it safe to assume that this is going to be some sort of faux-fifties band? I guess we’ll see. That could either be very good or very bad. It could be the next Stray Cats, or something godawful.

Well, Love Story sounds like a very cheesy, older bubblegum pop song. It’s pretty much one of the lamer songs I’ve heard in a while. Not really a huge fan of it, although the guitars are nice.

Kanashiki Teddy Boy is track two and holy shit I already like it better.
The guitars are fantastic, the bass is just excellent, but I’m not sure how to feel about the vocals. In fact, I really don’t like the vocals at all. They really just don’t fit well, and it kind of ruins it for me. The music itself is very fun, just the singing… it’s awfully annoying.

I’m counting on Jeannie, Jeannie, Jeannie to change my opinions.
Oh god, no. No, no, no, no. Those vocals are some of the worst I have ever heard. They really don’t work at all and they actually make me want to rage.
I don’t know, someone else might feel differently, but I think they’re intolerable, and I have a very high tolerance for bad singers (as I’ve said before). They kind of make everything fall apart. It sounds like a bastardization of rockabilly; a humiliation to the fifties. Well, not that bad, but close.

Ano Musume no Fanii Feisu… Well, his vocals are better, I guess. It still sounds like a failure to imitate Elvis or something, but hey, I’ll take anything. The song itself isn’t much special, though. There are so many other rockabilly-revival bands that are miles ahead of these guys, why even bother.
The background singer is substantially worse than the lead. I mean, he is just terrible. He sounds like fucking Dynamite Tommy from Color, my lord. And being compared to Tommy is basically like saying, “You’re a talentless singer, get the hell out”.
Even Color fans know that Tommy has one of the worst voices in major music history.
Oh, back to Black Cats. Yeah, they’re as bad as Color.

Cover Girl…. Ughhhhhh. They’re really pushing this 50s thing on me, aren’t they? That’s something we call, “Trying too hard”. I mean, I know that a lot of 50s music really did sound similar to this, but… Christ, try to make it enjoyable to a younger generation, too. Stray Cats really succeeded in that.
This is just so damn boring, though.
Not as bad, just yawn worthy.

I thought that track six, When, would be some kind of ballad, but it’s literally indistinguishable from Cover Girl. Really, you guys, you’re taking everything bad about 50s music and incorporating it into your music. Stop it.
Luckily for me, they also imitated the short song lengths.

Singapore Nights is hardly note worthy at all. I honest to God can’t tell these songs apart. I’m surprised at the complete lack of variety and creativity. It just sucks.

Well, so far, Drive Good sounds… slightly different? Okay, never mind. By about 50 seconds, it’s even worse than the others. Partly because of Dynamite Tommy’s twin or whatever. But mainly because this band is so devoid of all sense of originality.

Yume no Big Machine… Apart from the song title making no sense…
Sigh.
Just sigh.

Well, here is track 12 out of 14. At this point, I feel like hurting someone. Honestly, I feel like punching the next person I see, just because I can.

Track 13: I’m homicidal. The next person I see, I will kill. I can’t fucking take this damn band! It’s like Barbee Boys all over again! Oh god, why am I being forced to relive that hell!

Track 14: Now I feel suicidal. Just kill me now, I can’t listen to another whole track. The only thing keeping me going is the thought, “Yes!! This is the last track!!”

Okay, you know what. No. No no no no no. I’m not even going to try. Black Cats, the last track, is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard.

1 out of 5
Fuck this band, fuck me for even downloading it.

Bitch Boys's "Continental"

Hey, after a long delay, here I am again. School just started so I haven't had the insane amounts of free-time to work on this useless, time-consuming waste of life.
So, welcome back, me!

Artist: Bitch Boys (Sweden)
Album: Continental

Track one is Arena, which I have heard many times before. Right from the beginning, I have always loved it. It’s an excellent opening track, everything is just perfect. It’s strange that I’ve never actually listened to the rest of the album, isn’t it?
Well, Arena is a very electronic instrumental, with heavy bass and some punk influences. It’s an interesting sound, I hope the following 9 songs can compare to Arena.

Café Cherie is track two, and it’s significantly more punk than Arena, although it’s still very electronic.
Again, it’s excellent. The vocalist is actually pretty decent. With punk bands, vocalists usually throw me off and make me kind of sick. I seem to have a lot of luck with Swedish punk bands, though.
Enough of my rambling, I really like it. It’s not quite as unique sounding as Arena; it’s a bit more of a typical sound that you’ll hear. But, it’s not boring, and it’s very fun to just sit down and listen to.

Continental reminds me a little bit of the old Megaman music. Jesus Christ, I need to stop comparing music to old Super Nintendo games.
It’s a little bit repetitive at times, but it has the same feel as Arena, so of course I like it.

Track four is Die Bahnhof Café (another Café song?). It starts with a Middle Eastern sitar sound with some explosive drums following. It’s a very interesting song, especially the chorus, which I’m absolutely in love with. I think so far this is my favorite.

It’s My Life is a strange little electronic song with nearly unintelligible English. That’s really it. I don’t really know what to think, it’s just bizarre.

Following that is Krieg. The vocals seem much deeper here, is that just me?
Fuck, it sounds like Megaman music again. I promised I would stop, I promised I would stop.
Apparently I’ve already heard this song before, because it’s rated. It’s probably an acquired taste, I can imagine that not a lot of people would like this. I, being the person I am, love it.

Track seven is Lebensraum. It’s very sinister and dark, which is an interesting addition to the album. The album is very eclectic; there are very happy songs and... this, which is slightly terrifying.
Lebensraum is delightfully evil, it’s quite the song and it leaves a great impression.

One thing I’ve noticed about this band: I adore their drums and guitar. Okay, the bass is great, too.
The album suddenly got very ominous, Mayday is very dark. Maybe not as dark as Lebensraum, but it’s dark nonetheless. It’s pretty slow and sort of watery sounding (if that makes sense).
I wish I could say more about the song, but nothing really comes to mind.

Mille Baiser picks up the speed again, and isn’t nearly as dark as the last two tracks.
I don’t know if a “normal” person would enjoy the vocals, but someone, you know, used to them wouldn’t even notice.
No, no, no, I’m not badmouthing the vocalist. I’m pretty content with his singing.
I have to say, I haven’t enjoyed Mayday or Mille Baiser as much as the previous tracks…
Well, let’s see how Tango For Two delivers.

I’m not really impressed by it until the chorus. But the chorus is so fucking catchy that I really do love it. It’s a very strange song, it skips around in pacing a lot, I’m not sure how to explain it. But, I really like it.

4 out of 5
Part of me thought it is a 3 and ½, on second thought, I know that 4 is perfect. I’m sure I’d have some disagreements, but that’s what I think it deserves.
Fans of Swedish punk music will have some fun with this.