BODY's "Flame"

Artist: BODY (Japan)

Album: Flame (1994)

Something in me doesn't have a good feeling.

But that's no different than any other review.

Track one is MY SELF, and I feel this prediction already coming true. What a boring guitar riff, oh God what a boring riff.

And the dealbreaker is always the vocals. And these vocals offer NOTHING. Typical. Bland. Boring.

But I didn't have my expectations high in the first place.

The second track is BABY CRAZY. Isn't there a BOOWY song under the same name?

(Nevermind, I'm thinking of Baby Action.)

Well, thank God it's not a cover. A band with so little talent would disgrace the great band BOOWY were.

Yes, I am already making such broad generalizations. I can tell this is not going to get much better. So, I'm going to keep my head.

Maybe.

HERESY is the third track. God damn it all, they're exploring their rebelious side.

This is honestly the worst song I have heard in a LONG time.

Do you know how much crap I have suffered through?

A lot.

This is an accomplishment. I mean WOW. HERESY is a big steamy pile of shit.

You would have to listen to it to even comprehend the awfulness of this.

Okay, okay, okay. UNFINISHED GAME will have to be a God damn masterpiece to redeem that last one.

Something in me doesn't have a good feeling.

...

It's better.

But there is some deep "whoa whoa, whoa whoa" that is almost comical.

You don't want your music to be funny unless you're trying. Honestly.

STILL MY LOVE is going to be a fucking ballad, I've prepared myself already. Do you see how I'm keeping my cool in this review?

....

Oh my God.

It sounds like fucking Shazna.

If you don't know who Shazna are, consider yourself lucky.

One of my most despised bands. Top 5, definitely.

Well, this sounds like them.

Meaning it sounds like someone vomiting a lame 90s ballad with bells out their asshole.

God, I'm not going to make it.

(deep breath) HOLD YOU SOFTLY starts out sounding strangely familiar.

Oh. Do you think it's because this band

SOUNDS LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING BAND OF ITS FUCKING GENRE?

GOD DAMN IT ALL.

Let's move on to the motherfucking seventh track, fucking I Believe...

I hate songs that end with an ellipsis. It's so annoying.

Especially because this song doesn't have an ounce of moodiness that would need an ellipsis.

Or any ounce of emotion.

Or originality.

Or talent.

Well, good news. Including this, only three more tracks to go. Other than that last paragraph, I've composed myself.

....

I just blacked out on my knee.

I swear to God, I just did. I'm not even joking.

That is how bored I am.

Bored to the passing out.

It's probably a sign I haven't eaten but fuck it, I'm blaming this band.

ETERNITY ~I love you forever~

Another thing I hate: Using unnecessary tildes. You are fucking misuses the tilde, STOP IT.

I also just hate the phrase "I love you forever", especially in music. Body are striking every wrong note they can with me. It's almost like they were created to anger me.

Oh... Oh my God.

DAY DREAM is the last track!

Hahaha! Yes!

I'm so happy, I'm not even going to listen to it!!

1 out of 5!!

I hate you, BODY! Get the fuck off my harddrive!