Candies's "Best Selection"

Artist: Candies (Japan)

Album: Best Selection incomplete

Oh boy. This should be fun.

It is so hard to convey sarcasm over the internet, but that was it.

Candies were an extremely (and I mean extremely) popular Japanese pop-idol group in the 70s. If that doesn't just spell "winner" I don't know what does.

.... Sarcasm.

Apparently there are still fucking rumors that they will reunite. They disbanded in 1977 for Christ's sake and yet all the 12 year old girls (who are now 45) and pedophiles want them back.

Anyhow...

Let's start with Anata no Muchuu.

Well, it sounds very 70s.

And it's painfully happy.

With the staple chipmunk-esque J-Pop vocalists.

It's so repetitive, you could play the first minute of the song over and over again and it wouldn't change.

Sounds like some true Japanese pop. Fits all the requirements.

But, idol bands are all about looks, not about the music. Which is why I hate idol bands so much.

Yasashii Akuma...
Well, the first line of the song is the title. That's always a sign of utter lameness. (I mean, there are exceptions, but--)

I admit, this band is not as bad as the other Japanese pop I've heard. It's nothing spectacular, but it's listenable. Hell, it's slightly catchy. I admit it.

Toshishita no Otoko no Ko is equally peppy. Pretty much as sugary sweet as you can get. Those who know me know that I don't especially like that, unless it's purely ironic.

But, as if they wrote their own music anyhow. They were too busy dancing, looking cute and occasionally singing.

I can imagine "back in the day" rebels would have despised this, but "nowadays" it has that sort of old charm that is a little hard to resist.

Sono Ki ni Sasenaide's first line is also the title of the song. I just can't tell you how lame that sounds. In fact, they say it twice. And at the beginning of the other verses. I'm not sure what it translates out to be, but it can't possibly be that deep that you have to say it 10 times.

Shochuu Omimai Moushiagemasu again begins with the song title. Sigh.

Well, I pretty much want to vomit my intestines out of my throat hole listening to this cavity-inducing sweet music.

Haru Ichiban really doesn't bring much else, especially with that stupid song title (I believe it translates to "Spring is the best". Deep shit right there.)

And hey look at that! I'm done! Thank God for incomplete downloads, it must have known I didn't want this.

2 out of 5

I ADMIT. Some of it is undeniably catchy. I can actually see some people enjoying this. I may have even enjoyed it a little bit. But that doesn't change the fact that I never want to listen to it again.

BUG's "BIORED"

Artist: BUG (Japan)

Album: BIORED (2005) incomplete

Okay, so obviously something went wrong with the download when I got this, so I only have three tracks. This will go quick.

How about CRUSH first.

Well, it sounds pretty heavy, but I was expecting that. This is Kyo from D'erlanger's project, right? I hope I'm right. Hell if I know anything about D'erlanger. Except that Cipher and Kyo frenched in the La Vie en Rose PV.

But I'm rambling.

CRUSH is your average Japanese hard rock song. Not too much defining about it. In fact, it's a little bit annoying.

Not to mention... "Crush crush my body"? What?

Stupid, Stupid sounds... peppier? Yeah, that's right.

Christ, Kyo almost sounds like a damn Oshare-Kei vocalist here, what the hell happened between those two tracks?

It's a little bit sickening, really. Not just his voice, but the whole song.

I've never thought D'erlanger were anything special (especially for being a "father of Visual-Kei"), but come on, Kyo. You can do better.

Alright, alright. BURrrrN is the last track I have.

It has a hint of electronic in there. But so far that's all that is really interesting. Except it isn't interesting at all. It's repetitive and annoying.

2 out of 5.

Sorely disappointed.

Maybe the rest of the album was better, but I don't care enough to go and download it. I figure this is enough.

Bloodthirsty Butchers' "Bloodthirsty Butchers"

Artist: Bloodthirsty Butchers (Japan)

Album: Bloodthirsty Butchers (1990)

My God!

No updates since October 2nd?

Shame, Anna, shame.

To be fair, I lost my iPod, was focusing on my art, developed Carpal Tunnel syndrome and just forgot.

So, on with the show.

Bloodthirsty Butchers... I can't even imagine how hard they will try to be edgy.

Well, before making judgments, let's try out track one.

She's Break? Wow, spectacular English there.

And I'm surprised. They don't sound hardcore at all.

Oh my, the vocals. (It seems I always say that.)

Bad.

The instruments sound like an early Green Day album, but the vocals sound like one of those talentless punk singers of the 80s.

How unpleasant.

It's fairly bland, but maybe they have promise. Maybe. Doubt it, though.

Track two is I'm On Fire.

That would explain your singing, then! (buh-dum-chh)

If you couldn't tell, that was an attempt at humor. And a rimshot.

Well, the vocals are equally intolerable. Not much of a surprise.

Not to mention it's all so terribly boring.

Drop Out is the next track. I'm already beginning to feel lucky there are only 8 tracks.

Oh, look at this, look at this.

I took a quick peek at their Wikipedia page and apparently they are a "long-running legendary indie-rock and punk-rock band" and are "known for their distinct instrumental styles".

Apparently.

Not seeing much of that so far. Not seeing why they're legends, either. But, to be fair, pretty much all of the punk genre is crap.

Drop Out isn't as bad. "As bad" being key here.

I'm Blue has slightly better instruments, and even better vocals. I'd have to say this is the best so far, as much as that pains me. It's close to being listenable.

Regardless, it all is just so drab.

Silencer really just blends in with the others. Other than I'm Blue, this all kind of sounds like one long, boring, neverending song.

Earlier today, I tried the Ganzfeld effect, where you take away your sense of sight and hearing for several hours. I had a splitting headache and felt like I was about to snap. This is beginning to feel similar to that.

I swear to God, Six O'Clock AM starts off exactly like another song on this album. This is becoming tiresome.

His voice is frustrating me more and more as it goes on. Either he's getting worse or I'm losing my mind.

They really aren't painfully bad or anything and I know I'm probably giving that impression. This album just lacks any originality and effort.

Moving on.

Your Sad Story is just... ugh.

Is it even possible to tell these apart from each other?

Clash! Sky! is the final track. After this I can go back to listening to music that doesn't melt your brain with its complete disregard for uniqueness. Thank God.

Well, it's over 7 minutes and the singing is just terrible.

You know, fuck it. Rating.

2 out of 5.

Legends my ass. Good for a new band playing at local clubs, but critical acclaim? Totally undeserving.

Beni Tokage's "Keshi no Hana"

Artist: Beni Tokage (Japan)
Album: Keshi no Hana

Alright, so Kuroi Ningyou Dukai is very low quality, it sounds so drowned out. Um, I’m not sure what I would classify this as…
Because it’s obvious they weren’t very popular, I’m giving the vocalist some leeway. He’s not very good.
That whole song sounds a bit sloppy, but I don’t dislike it. I don’t really like it either, though. I nothing it. They have potential, so let’s just go to track two and see what they do.

Asakusa ni Kaero u is a lot slower, and again, I’m not sure what kind of music this is. It’s not weird or all that unique or anything, I’m just undecided.
You know, it’s another, “I don’t really have much of an opinion” song. They’re decent enough at their instruments, the songs are nice and the vocalist isn’t that bad.
What is this feeling? I feel so… neutral!!

Uh-oh, a live version. The song is called Sexus, let’s see what happens. Sadly, their live recordings are the same quality as their studio songs. Both sound like their underwater, though.
God, I really am at a loss for words. This is a first for me.

King Dam catches my interest more than the others, probably because it’s a bit darker. The others songs have been surprisingly peppy. I suppose I like this one more than the others?

Track five is New Life, and it really just doesn’t interest me at all. And the vocalist is really not good in this one. This is without a doubt the worst so far.

I wonder if anything will really wow me on this album? I wonder if I’ll even like any of the songs on this album?
Well, based on Rokkindo-ru, the album is getting progressively worse. I don’t like it at all. In fact, it very, very annoying. Next song.

Leningrad Spy Band, okay now! Maybe we’ll have something interesting here?
Well… I guess it is. More than the others, at least.
Because of the terrible sound quality, it’s all very piercing and kind of painful to listen to.

Go! Go! Takushi… What a cute, happy title. And I guess the song is cute, too… in its own special way.
Really, the only thing I like are the keyboards, they’re pretty adorable.

Rock Kurititsuku is… is…
Um, why does the vocalist sound like he’s choking? It’s almost comedic. Okay, the album has taken a turn for the worst. Or maybe I should say the vocalist has really taken a turn for the worst.
The music itself is nothing special, though.

Well, here’s the last track, Private Tooku. Well, luckily it’s an instrumental, which is exactly what the band should do with all their songs. Unfortunately, it’s not interesting, really.


2 out of 5.
It’s not that bad, but it’s certainly not good. I was a little torn on the score because it’s decent enough that I’m sure plenty of people would really like it, but I just think it deserves a 2.

Barbee Boys's "BLACK LIST", "Listen! Barbee Boys 4" and "3rd. Break"

Artist: Barbee Boys (Japan)
Album: BLACK LIST (1988)

Oh God. The first tracks I see are “C’mon, Let’s Go!” and Blue Blue Rose”. This band is an early 1990s Visual-Kei band, aren’t they? I guess we’ll see.

Oohhh boy, C’mon, Let’s Go! is already a charm… There’s a fucking duet between a man and a woman vocalist. Cheesiness factor 12. What the hell was I expecting from a band named “Barbee Boys” anyhow? Something not completely lame and embarrassing to the human race? Haha, how silly of me.

Alrighty, Blue Blue Rose… At the very least it’s darker. It’s not quite as bad, it might be better if the vocalist didn’t sound like such a little pussy.
The guitar is kind of great, though. That’s what sad about it all. It has the potential to be really good, but there’s just tiny little things holding it back. And the result somehow is very… not good.
I have the feeling this will be the best this band has to offer, though.

(Still have no internet, and there’s damn kana in the title again. Correct me if I’m wrong.)
Demo?! Shou ga nai suffers the same problems as Blue Blue Rose. The guitars? Good. The vocals? Stupid and annoying and generally just a bad idea. Honestly, give me the guitar tracks from this album and I’d be perfectly happy. It’s everything else that I don’t like.
At least I don’t think it’s Visual-Kei.

Blahblahkanji de DANCE is… oh come on, cut it out with that damn duet. Oh Christ, they growled when they said “kirai, kirai”. How fucking lame is that?! They’re just saying a verb twice, over and over again! The stupidity is overwhelming!!
Okay, the brass instrument solo (don’t know what it is) is pretty cool, and other than the singing, I really like it. But the singing just hits you in the face. It’s just not good.
I’ve figured it out! The vocalists think they’re in a pop-rock band, but wandered into a dark, rock bands jam session, and they happened to accidentally record it. And BLACK LIST was born.

(kanji) no (kanji) de ma batakuo (I totally fucked up that title, apologies) is probably the most tolerable, I guess.
Okay, okay, fine, I’ll admit it! Their use of brass instruments for their solos rather than the typical guitar is really great! Just--- ahh! This is so depressing! So much could be fixed, so easily!...

(I can’t read a single character of the title) already sounds cheese-tastic. Sounds like this is the obligatory ballad of the album, huh? Great. Just what this band needs: focus on the vocalist.
Oh god, he just said, “face to face” at the end of his verse. I think I’m going to be sick.
The sad thing is that the female vocalist could work in some kind of hard rock band if she tweaked it a little. But there’s just something completely “off”. There’s no hope for the man, though.

(kanji) cryin’ on the beach… Crying on the beach, awesome. Honestly, this one is almost indistinguishable from the last song I heard. At one point I checked my iPod to see if I accidentally selected the wrong song.
This is so bland. It’s as interesting as vanilla yogurt. Plain vanilla, without any fruit or sprinkles or whatever you would put on yogurt.

Mo yada! is so… so…
Ahhhhhhhh!!
I think the album is getting worse. It’s lost any edge it once had, even if that “edginess” was hidden under a thick layer of lame.

At least MIDNIGHT CALL sounds pretty interesting. Okay, nevermind. I swear, the second they start singing, I immediately despise it. These two are some of the most unlikeable vocalists I’ve ever heard. It’s not that they’re bad singers or anything, they’re just pretentious and annoying.

(kanji) sa nai might be dark, based on this beginning. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s just going to suck like the others.
Really, it just confuses me. The whole album has confused me so far. I just don’t get the vocals at all. I realize that my constant complaints about that is getting annoying, but I just can’t get over it. It’s so bizarre.

I just want this to be over once and for all.
So (kanji)keru mo n ka, what do you have for me? Obviously nothing, it sounds exactly like the others. Can’t you put some effort into this, Barbee Boys?

Oh thank god, the last track. It’s all in Katakana, and I can’t read it, but maybe that’s for the best.
You know what? Fuck it. Just end this hell.

1 and ½ out of 5.
I think I’ve said it all.

… What’s that?
What?
What?
WHAT?!

I have two more fucking albums by Barbee Boys?!?
There really is no God.



Album: Listen! Barbee Boys 4

Aww, that’s sad. They’re begging me to listen to this one. Just look at the title. Aww.

Oh? Hachi awase no (kana) sounds really, really cool.
….
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!
Why didn’t they replace the vocalists?! Whyyyyyyyyy?
It seems that the second those damn vocals come on, the instruments stop being… good. I don’t know how to explain it, but this is one of the cases where the singing literally ruins the music.

(kanji)ita mama de listen to me (ORIGINAL MIX) is track two. Again, they’re trying to keep me listening. That’s so pitiful, Barbee Boys. If you want people to keep listening, kick those vocalists out!

Dear Wagamama Eirian… Did he just say “Juicy eyes, rosy face”? What the hell? Well, the woman will just repeat him, so maybe I can see if they really did. I hope not.
Somehow, this is even less interesting than the others. It’s like they aren’t even trying..

Gomen Nasai is track four. See? See? They’re finally apologizing to me for the things I’ve had to endure (gomen nasai means “sorry” in Japanese for the stupid and uninformed. Oh, you know I’m just kidding).

Onna gitsune on the run (ORIGINAL “BIG BOWL” VERSION) is just…
The album is getting progressively worse as time goes on. By this point they’re really aren’t any redeeming qualities. It’s just a steaming pile of 90s crap.

Waai Waai Wai starts with that saxophone. That’s getting pretty annoying by this point.
And “Waai Waai Wai” is what I’ve been saying this entire time. “Waai Waai Wai didn’t they kick them out?! Waai Waai Wai were they signed?!”

(kanji) de (kanji) ru Papa he no Tegami really is just no different from the others. It’s track seven. That’s it. That’s all it has going for it.
It’s pretty damn lazy the chorus is just them repeating the title twice. Nice going, Barbee Boys.

(kanji) no (kanji) is just about as unique as Aikawa Nanase’s “R.U.O.K.?!”. (It’s in the tags, find it yourself.)

Noisy is going to sound identical to the others; I know that even before the thing starts. And look at that! It does!
To fans of Barbee Boys out there: Are you honestly able to tell the difference between these songs? If so, how?! It just floors me.

Kuchi ni (kana)yakku is so boring, I let the entire song go by without me noticing. I was trying to figure out that one kana and just let it slip by. Well, that doesn’t upset me in the slightest.

The last track! The last fucking track! The last fucking track!! I’m so much closer to never having to listen to this damn band again. So close. But, I still have another album. Please god, let it be a single, a maxi-single… Even a mini-album! I can’t sit through another full length album by these people!

1 out of 5.
This is somehow worse than the last album. The only good quality is that the first track has really amazing instruments. If only the vocalists didn’t have to ruin everything in their wake.

Now, let’s see the track number on the last of Barbee Boys album I own… Oh, let it be short, let it be short, let it be short, big money, big money, big money, whammy!
Huh? Oh, the track number, right.

…
…
Fuck.
It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. There’s only nine tracks.
Oh, I’m going insane.


Album: 3rd. Break

Well, I’ve lost all hope. The first track sounds exactly like everything else this poor excuse for a band has shat out of its uncreative intestines. (What, was that too descriptive?)
And you know that they had to be at least mildly popular if they made three albums.
A fanbase… Ohh, I long to know what the Barbee Boys fandom is like.

Don namon dai (kana) really does nothing to bring some variety, I see. I have the greatest urge to just slap the hell out of this band and scold them for what they’ve done.

Haya Mattara iya Daze (I think I’m getting worse at deciphering these titles) seems to try to make it edgier or something. I don’t know, it’s just bad. Bad, bad, bad. I hate this band so much, they are easily one of the unlikeable bands I’ve ever heard. I just get the overwhelming feeling that they’re pretentious dicks. Kind of the same feeling I get when I listen to U2, except that I know they’re pretentious dicks.

Track four is terrible, too.

Track five is amazing!
Wouldn’t you be surprised if I said something like that? Yeah, except I’m not going to. Track five is awful as well.

Okay, you know what? Enough. Just fucking enough. I hate this band, I hate everything about this god damn band and I hope I never am forced to listen to it again. I am deleting every last speck of Barbee Boys off my hard drive and the second I hear their music again, I am going to have a nervous breakdown. If I hear one millisecond of their music from this point on, you will find me half naked on the toilet eating crayons and naming my eye-crud.
FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCCKKKK.

0 out of 5.
I was merciful on the first two albums, but at this point, no pity. Zero zero zero zero zero. No, this is absolute zero out of five. Nothing is lower, it’s absolute zero.

Beatniks are my next review. I have some faith in them, so let’s hope for the best. After this torture, I need something quality.
If Beatniks don’t deliver, I’m going to lose it.

AZRAEL's "King of the Steely Nation"

Artist: AZRAEL (Japan)
Album: King of the Steely Nation (2000)

Oh wow, I can already tell this is going to be some sort of power metal. Que the dragons and Dargor, the Shadowlord of the Black Mountain (if you know what band that's a reference to, you are a fucking nerd).

Knight in the Night.
Knight in the Night.
My brain... is broken. What a pun. Oh, what a pun. What a fantastic pun, even for power metal standards.
Dear god.

Don't get me wrong, I adore power metal, I always have. Rhapsody, Dragonland, ARK STORM... I eat this shit up. I love dragons and orbs and wizards and shit.
Typical of Japanese power metal, the vocals are in English. Incomprehensible, unintelligible English.
Typical of most power metal, it sounds similar to everything else in the genre. Don't even try to distinguish between power metal bands. It's pretty hard sometimes.
So, Behind the Mask falls into that rut. It's pretty good, but it's not great or anything. The guitar solo was pretty badass, though.We
By the way, Behind the Mask is a Yellow Magic Orchestra song, you guys. You got me all confused because I'm an idiot. My first thought was, "OH MY, they did a cover of YMO?!".

Track three is Beyond the Wall. Ohhh, I see: "Behind the mask, beyond the wall"... Maybe I don't see.
Well, it has the same problem as Behind the Mask. It just doesn't hold up compared to the others. There are many other bands that sound like this, but are much better. They aren't really unique enough for me to truly like, even if they do happen to be rather good.

Well, King of the Steely Nation better be great if the album is named after it.
....
Sorry, it just doesn't cut it. I'm going to forget these tracks the second I press the next button on my iPod. It's just the sad truth, AZRAEL.

Hold on to the Young Love sounds like some upbeat 90s theme song... My god, no, AZRAEL, no... It's just embarrassing. Stop this, stop this right now.
Wait, I can stop it myself. Next!!

Sorry, I couldn't take more of that.
Shadowdancer follows up that gem. It's... I just don't know what to say. All the tracks blend into each other, and I get bored with albums like these.
The keyboards are awfully neat, though.

Track whatever I lost track is Burning Down. It starts with piano. Oh god, oh god, don't be a sappy ballad. You already got enough embarrassment from Hold on to the Young Love.
Oh Christ, this is even more shameful. It's not good. It's really lame. Yes, I know that power metal in general is lame, but power ballads? Come on. Try to out cheese that. You can't.

Okay, so that was kind of painful. Lethal Lover starts with that cool keyboard that I like. Good, good. Except that it fucking sounds the same as all the others! Fuuuuck.
(Are you noticing that I'm getting less and less sympathetic as the albums drags on?)
The falsetto in the chorus is good. There, a compliment.

Break the Ice... I sat here for a while trying to think of some witty joke to go along with that, but I just can't. My mind is so numb. Before I knew it, the song was over.

Talking Your Heart already has a flaw, right from the start: The title makes no sense. But, English isn't their first language, so I'd be a dick to criticize that. I really wish these bands would just suck it up and sing in Japanese. Yeah, it's not as "hip", I guess, but I'm sure the lyrics would be much better. If I could understand this, I'm sure the lyrics aren't top of the line. You know, I'm just being brutally honest here.
And you see that? I'm so bored at this point that I forgot to even listen to the damn song. It's a little obnoxious from what I heard.

Oh dear, there is a God. Close to the Soul is the last track. At one point, I began worrying, "Is there an end to this fresh hell?".
(It's not that bad, I just love being an asshole.)
What can I say? It's really just jghhguhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

hgggggggggggg

Huh, what? Oh hell, it seems like I fell asleep.. Well, at least it's over.

2 out of 5.
It seems awfully generous after all my complaints, doesn't it? Well, in a technical sense, this album is quite good. It's just completely stale and feels like it's constraining itself to just one sound. And that sound is uninteresting. Sorry, AZRAEL.

AUSHVITZ's "Akarui"

Artist: AUSHVITZ (Japan)
Album: Akarui

Well, here is a four track sort of mini-album, so it should go quickly. Awesome.

Track one's title is Where we go, and--- well, it's only about a minute long, and it's really not much. Make that a three track mini-album. Or would that be a single? Hell if I know.

Okay, looks like Homurabi is very heavy. Kind of unexpected after that slow opening, but pretty expected considering their band name.
It's nothing really special. Apparently Syu from Galneryus is in this band, so that scores a few points, but regardless... eh.

Akarui confuses me again. What's with the freakishly heavy song sandwiched between these tear-jerkers? Well, at least it's variety. The drums sound so terribly dull, though. Yes, I'm complaining about the drums of all things. Not how incredibly cheesy and cliche the entire fucking song is. Honestly, this really just doesn't stand out. I would never be able to pick this out of a group of other V-Kei artists and say, "That's AUSHVITZ." They don't have their own sound, they're awfully unoriginal. That's usually when I say, "Why am I listening to this then?".
Not to mention the vocals sound so awkwardly paced at some parts.

Koukousoku is the last track of this maxi-single (yes, I finally remembered the term). They really just don't wow me, sorry. His auto-tune voice at the verses, the tired drums, the boring guitar... And it really just feels like it's trying to hard.
Syu does continue to impress me though. Listen to that guitar solo! Go, Syu, go! You're the only redeeming quality of this band, flaunt it! Yeah!

2 out of 5.
You know, it's not bad. Typical ~*~JAY-RAWK~*~ people would probably eat this up. I just find it rather
booooooriiiiinngg.
Next band. I need some sparkle, some pizazz, some wow factor. Can AZRAEL give me that? Stay tuned. (Yes, I do enjoy being lame. It's quite fun.)

Arouge's "Boygyaku no Kikoushi"

Artist: Arouge
Album: Bougyaku no Kikoushi

Well, alrighty, just jump right in there, Arouge. No need to subtly start the album…
Already not impressed. Normally they put their best songs first, right? So… this is the best they can do? Sigh.

Okay. Everybody’s Rock&Roll… It feels like they’re either trying too hard or not trying hard enough… Well, they’re definitely trying too hard to be cool, but with the least amount of effort put into it. Double sigh.

The third track is In My Vision. I was about to ask “Have I heard this before?” but no. It just sounds like every other song I’ve ever heard in my life.

Oh my… Makin’ Love…. I can already tell this is another trying too hard songs. And yes, it is.

The fifth track, Play a Game—What the hell, it sounds like it starts halfway through the fucking song!... I see that Arouge don’t understand subtle introductions… This one is more J-Poppy with that “edgy Rock’n’Roll” thing going on. I guess. It’s really just kind of embarrassing.

No.No.No! That’s not me begging this to be over, that’s the title for track six (Did you see that? That was a joke). Something tells me that this is Arouge’s way of telling society “No. No. No! We will not stop rockin’!” because they’re So. Fucking. Cool.

Oh god. Remember is going to be all sentimental, isn’t it?... Actually, no, it’s just as soulless as the others. Great job at bringing some variety to this damn album, Arouge. (If you couldn’t tell, that was sarcasm. It’s very hard to convey sarcasm over the internet…)

Chains. Let me guess, it’s your “chains to ‘the man’”, right? Somehow this one is worse than the others. God, I really hate this.

See You in the Dream? Nevermind the Engrish, and nevermind Chains being the worst. This is the worst. It’s just plain annoying.

Oh hey, Winter Days is the last track!! AND IT DOESN’T SOUND EXACTLY LIKE THE OTHER NINE SONGS?!? And get this: It’s tolerable. Jesus Christ.

1 and ½ out of 5.

Why did I have mercy and add that 1/2 in there? The guitar solos can be pretty cool. That’s it, really. The only redeeming quality.

Amphibian's "Doppelganger"

Artist: Amphibian (Japan)
Album: Doppelganger (1993)

Well, Negeki no Juujika really does sound like Japanese rock from 1993... I guess that's alright, it sounds a bit Luna Sea esque, I suppose. Whoa, those vocals are totally not Luna Sea.
Uummm, he seems to be alright if he doesn't sing too fast. But something terrible happens when he begins to quicken the pace a bit.
Really, it's just alright. It's good, I suppose.

Well, Maybe sounds heavier at first, but when it gets to the first verse... This song sounds like it's confused. As confused as I am, maybe. The vocals sound almost peppy, but everything else...
I don't really get this. It's just not appealing to the ears.

Hopefully the other eight tracks will be higher quality, because so far, it's not looking too great.
Well, at the very least, Mai Hime is.... shit, I can't say anything. Really, it's just not good enough to leave any impression on me. These albums are the worst, the ones that are simply not good.. They aren't bad enough for me to have fun, they aren't good enough for me to appreciate.
Sigh.

Upon further research (AKA looking on the SECOND page of my search on google), this was released under Free Will records back in the day. Which makes sense, because Color, By-Sexual, Kamaitachi, Billy & the Sluts and Gengaku Allergy (among others) were also a part of the record company. All of these bands are very typical early 90s Visual-Kei (Speed-iD were also part of Free-Will though, but they are excellent).
In fact, I can't think of many Free-Will artists that are especially interesting to me. More recent artists are Dir en grey, the GazettE, alice nine., Kra, SuG, etc., etc., who all are annoyingly unoriginal.

Anyhow.

Well, at least Church has a pretty badass bass solo. This song is the best so far.

No, that guitar riff isn't repetitive or boring at all... Not at all...
Well, at the very least, it changes. Doesn't make the song any less boring, though.

Okay now, Nanatsu no Tobira sounds pretty damn cool so far. Okay, okay, let's keep this up, Amphibian.
... No, I'll just forget this one in due time like the others. Dazzle me, Amphibian! I'm begging you!

I'll be honest, JJ is pretty annoying. I guess I don't need to add "I'll be honest", you can just assume I'm not holding back.

And I'll be brutally honest now, Mujinn no Heya is quite awful. Sloppy, annoying, no refining qualities. It's so bad, it knocked the whole damn album down a few pegs. Good job. Really, thumbs up. It takes a lot for me to do that, even with how picky I can be.

La-Mu is boring.

Easy Action is the last track. It is the second worst of the album. Hey, at least you won at something, Mujinn no Heya!!

1 and 1/2 out of 5.
Can I just be done with this album now? I've had enough Free Will crap for tonight.

Aliene Ma'riage's "21st Century"

Artist: Aliene Ma'riage (Japan)
Album: 21st Century (2001)

If I'm not mistaken, this band is a late 90s visual-kei band? Ouch. I'm not one to like Visual-Kei past 1993 (that year it took a turn for the worst with bands such as Color and By-Sexual). It progressively got worse, in my opinion. Late 90s V-Kei always sounds so... "cookie cutter". Like the genre at the time was so specific it didn't allow for much individuality, with the exception of bands like Blam Honey, Malice Mizer and... shit, I can't think of another example at the moment..
I'm sure that that's not entirely the case because God knows I don't know much about Visual-Kei anymore. I once was a fan, but luckily, I grew out of it.

Anyhoo. Maybe Aliene Ma'riage can change my perception.

Of course the album starts with an instrumental. Of course.
Ohh, I'm making that seem like a bad thing. Perhaps I'm letting my bias rule this review already.
Well, I'm pleasently surprised to hear a sort of industrial goth sound.

Balmy Illegal Society is... heavy. For some reason, I like the electronic-sounding drums, and the guitar riff is pretty cool. I'm a bit undecided on the vocals, though. I'm usually not one for screaming or howling or anything like that (yes, I hate death and black metal) other than thrash metal (yes, I love Rosenfeld). I kind of like this, though.

BLACK JACK AGE sounds interesting, maybe... And I have to say, I prefer the screeching... His voice is so typical of 90s Visual-Kei.. hell, Visual-Kei in general. Yawn.
Are you starting to discover I don't like Visual-Kei? Let's see how many more times I'll say that in this entry.
I suppose I like this better than most, but I'm just not too impressed.

The fourth track is Kourin, and again I admit to liking the electronic drum sound.
In this song, the vocals have some similarities to Due le Quartz's singer. I don't think that was a compliment, Aliene Ma'riage.
What? It just suddenly cuts off. I think my mp3 file is corrupted. Oops.

Well, at least Native Devil brings back the heavy vocals. I was tired of hearing Sakito's-- oh, I mean "Kyoka's"-- tired ass vocals. It was numbing my brain a little. This song sounds a bit like white noise. I suppose it's not bad, maybe just not my "thing".

"Devine the future from......." Christ, is there enough periods in the title?
....... The vocals....... sound....... rather................. interesting............
Now I'm just being mean. But really, it catches my attention, I rather like the vocals in this song. Probably because he's on the border of just speaking, but nevertheless, the singing is interesting. My God, is that my foot tapping? I do not understand this.

We're on the seventh track, aren't we? Well, it's Deadly Sin (Nanatsu no Daizai). At this point, it all sort of blends together as one big, angry mass of noise. Although I do like the backing vocals.
Maybe I'm just picking out all the bad, because all the songs so far haven't been bad, and they haven't been difficult to listen to or anything.

The eighth out of ten tracks, Under the Rose Leaf, really does just blend into the others. I'm not remembering the other tracks all too well by now.

(sigh) Let's just press onward.
Cyber Patrol wo Uchiotose doesn't bring much variety to this album, despite how much I hoped it would. Based on the title, I was really wanting a cyber punk, techno sound to break up the repitition. Alas, no.

Okay, the last track, Chou... You know, I really wish it were some bubblegum pop song about being friends, I think that would make me instantly adore this album. But, it isn't. So the album gets a

2 out of 5.
For just not sticking out among all the others.
Give it a listen if you're, you know, into this kind of thing. Hell, compared to the V-Kei I listened to "in the day" (two years ago, I mean), it's pretty good.
I don't like Visual-Kei.
Ha, I said it again. I counted, I referenced to my dislike of the genre about ten times.
I strive to break my record one day.

And hey, look at that! Looks like my next review will be of Amadeus's "Mikan no Gosennfu to Kurayami no Meikyuu", a Visual-Kei band formed in 1996!! Hooray!

Make the record eleven times, then.

Aikawa Nanase's "R.U.O.K ?!"

Artist: Aikawa Nanase (Japan)
Album: R.U.O.K. ?! (released 11.19.2005)

I think the only reason I even have this album is because one of my favorite guitarists, Pata, is featured on it. Well, let's see how it is.

Foolish 555, huh... Please don't disappoint me.
Oh hey, the guitar is pretty cool, the drums are good, it sounds pretty cool. Ooh, a female vocalist. That's refreshing. Her voice is a bit too cutesey for my taste, and the chorus sounds a bit boring, but HEY! It's pretty okay!
Sounds a lot like Dope HEADz, and I'm not saying that just because Pata was in that, too. Well, maybe I am.

Let's move on to R.U.O.K ?!
...
(siiiiigh) I'm disappointed now. This is one of the most stale songs I've heard for a long time. It doesn't stand out from any other alternative song in existence. Pata, stop this madness!!

Okay, I can't handle that anymore. Fly to Rainbow Ray is track three.
I'm getting the feeling that all these songs are blending together as one mediocre, alternative mass. I don't like this. I can't even come up with any witty commentary, this is so devoid of originality that it is sucking the life out of me.

Track four is Rock Star's Steady. I literally can't remember what the last songs even sounded like and I just heard them a few seconds ago. That's how... un-unique this is. Yes, un-unique. It is taking away all my vocabulary, apparently.

Red Wheel sounds like it's going to be some kind of ballad. As much as ballads such as these bore me, at least it's some damn variety. And yes, it's boring. It sounds kind of like Do As Infinity, a band I liked when I was first getting into music. Shows how quality it is... (Don't get me wrong. DAI have some good material.)

Snowfall is nothing special. Again, it reminds me of Do As Infinity, except that Aikawa has a much more typical J-pop voice that I tend to detest. DAI's vocalist had somewhat of a smokey quality that's interesting to listen to. This isn't interesting to listen to.

The last track on the album should be good. It probably won't be, but it should be. And no, it isn't. These all sound exactly the same, am I supposed to be able to tell these songs apart?!

Now I'm all in a frenzy. Pata, why are you doing this?

1 1/2 out of 5.

I don't even know. The instruments are good enough, and the vocals aren't bad, the whole album is just so incredibly dull. Next band.

Aggressive Dogs- "Dizzy Life", "If You Please" and "We Never Trade"

Artist: Aggressive Dogs (Japan)
Album: Dizzy Life

Track 1 is Give a Blow (I wonder if it's sexual?...). Already I can tell it's low quality.
Well, shit. I don't have much to say. It's just mediocre punk with bad vocals. It's not good, it's not bad. It's... mediocre. I have to admit that the guitar solo was pretty good, if not short.

Moving on to Hell's Day. I wouldn't be able to tell if it was a different song, if you want the truth. Maybe I just don't UNDERSTAND it, maybe someone really into punk music would like it.
I like some punk music, provided that the vocalist isn't godawful. This vocalist is bordering on really, really bad.

Soldier Boy isn't good.

Shout to the Future isn't good either.

Not quite as interesting as the last albums I've reviewed, but maybe it's just boring in comparison to the fucked up After Dinner that I just listened to. Either way, it's kind of boring. It's alright to pass this album up.

1 1/2 out of 5
Yes, yes, I am harsh.

I have two more albums by Aggressive Dogs to look at before I publish this post, so hang around.

Album: If You Please

If You Please starts off with the song Aggressive Dogs. The guitar is actually pretty nice to listen to and they add background vocalists at one point. Not as bad, I don't regret listening to it. Now we're getting somewhere!

Now for Do Your Selfe. Is it meant to be misspelled?
I don't listen to much punk music, so I have no idea if a fan of punk rock would enjoy it. I just personally don't enjoy most of this genre because the compositions and vocals are typically very sloppy, in my opinion. So, you know, someone probably would love this. I think it's bad.

Dead Janky Girl is track three. What the hell does janky mean? (looks it up) Oh. Okay. It still doesn't excuse bad music.
Again, guitars= pretty damn good. The rest= no.

The last track on this record is All Fucking Age. I have the feeling this band doesn't have an amazing grasp on English. But that's alright. This song, however, is all wrong.

1 1/2 out of 5. Next!!

Album: We Never Trade

Oh wondrous, this is a longer album. But but but!! The sound quality sounds a lot better! This is a good start! Maybe they've improved? The guitars certainly sound impressive, as usual, and...
(sigh) ....
.... (stiffles a laugh)
The singing...
(hee)
Is he supposed to sound like...
(ha ha hee)
Ohhh. I see they haven't done much about that vocalist. Shame.

Moving on to Throd. Good guitar, bass, drums, decent enough composition, but that vocaliiiist...
The music itself sounds a bit stale, but it's excusable.

Now, don't start thinking I have a bias against bad vocalists, because I don't. I listen to Auto-Mod and Ippu Do, after all, and Genet and Masami have pretty terrible voices. But it works. This doesn't work for me.

You know, I guess I don't have much to say. There's not much variety to this album, I'm getting bored listening to it. I suppose I'd recommend listening to it if you're into heavier stuff, and listening to their earlier music for you punk fans.

But in my eyes, it scores a
2 out of 5.