Barbee Boys's "BLACK LIST", "Listen! Barbee Boys 4" and "3rd. Break"

Artist: Barbee Boys (Japan)
Album: BLACK LIST (1988)

Oh God. The first tracks I see are “C’mon, Let’s Go!” and Blue Blue Rose”. This band is an early 1990s Visual-Kei band, aren’t they? I guess we’ll see.

Oohhh boy, C’mon, Let’s Go! is already a charm… There’s a fucking duet between a man and a woman vocalist. Cheesiness factor 12. What the hell was I expecting from a band named “Barbee Boys” anyhow? Something not completely lame and embarrassing to the human race? Haha, how silly of me.

Alrighty, Blue Blue Rose… At the very least it’s darker. It’s not quite as bad, it might be better if the vocalist didn’t sound like such a little pussy.
The guitar is kind of great, though. That’s what sad about it all. It has the potential to be really good, but there’s just tiny little things holding it back. And the result somehow is very… not good.
I have the feeling this will be the best this band has to offer, though.

(Still have no internet, and there’s damn kana in the title again. Correct me if I’m wrong.)
Demo?! Shou ga nai suffers the same problems as Blue Blue Rose. The guitars? Good. The vocals? Stupid and annoying and generally just a bad idea. Honestly, give me the guitar tracks from this album and I’d be perfectly happy. It’s everything else that I don’t like.
At least I don’t think it’s Visual-Kei.

Blahblahkanji de DANCE is… oh come on, cut it out with that damn duet. Oh Christ, they growled when they said “kirai, kirai”. How fucking lame is that?! They’re just saying a verb twice, over and over again! The stupidity is overwhelming!!
Okay, the brass instrument solo (don’t know what it is) is pretty cool, and other than the singing, I really like it. But the singing just hits you in the face. It’s just not good.
I’ve figured it out! The vocalists think they’re in a pop-rock band, but wandered into a dark, rock bands jam session, and they happened to accidentally record it. And BLACK LIST was born.

(kanji) no (kanji) de ma batakuo (I totally fucked up that title, apologies) is probably the most tolerable, I guess.
Okay, okay, fine, I’ll admit it! Their use of brass instruments for their solos rather than the typical guitar is really great! Just--- ahh! This is so depressing! So much could be fixed, so easily!...

(I can’t read a single character of the title) already sounds cheese-tastic. Sounds like this is the obligatory ballad of the album, huh? Great. Just what this band needs: focus on the vocalist.
Oh god, he just said, “face to face” at the end of his verse. I think I’m going to be sick.
The sad thing is that the female vocalist could work in some kind of hard rock band if she tweaked it a little. But there’s just something completely “off”. There’s no hope for the man, though.

(kanji) cryin’ on the beach… Crying on the beach, awesome. Honestly, this one is almost indistinguishable from the last song I heard. At one point I checked my iPod to see if I accidentally selected the wrong song.
This is so bland. It’s as interesting as vanilla yogurt. Plain vanilla, without any fruit or sprinkles or whatever you would put on yogurt.

Mo yada! is so… so…
Ahhhhhhhh!!
I think the album is getting worse. It’s lost any edge it once had, even if that “edginess” was hidden under a thick layer of lame.

At least MIDNIGHT CALL sounds pretty interesting. Okay, nevermind. I swear, the second they start singing, I immediately despise it. These two are some of the most unlikeable vocalists I’ve ever heard. It’s not that they’re bad singers or anything, they’re just pretentious and annoying.

(kanji) sa nai might be dark, based on this beginning. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s just going to suck like the others.
Really, it just confuses me. The whole album has confused me so far. I just don’t get the vocals at all. I realize that my constant complaints about that is getting annoying, but I just can’t get over it. It’s so bizarre.

I just want this to be over once and for all.
So (kanji)keru mo n ka, what do you have for me? Obviously nothing, it sounds exactly like the others. Can’t you put some effort into this, Barbee Boys?

Oh thank god, the last track. It’s all in Katakana, and I can’t read it, but maybe that’s for the best.
You know what? Fuck it. Just end this hell.

1 and ½ out of 5.
I think I’ve said it all.

… What’s that?
What?
What?
WHAT?!

I have two more fucking albums by Barbee Boys?!?
There really is no God.



Album: Listen! Barbee Boys 4

Aww, that’s sad. They’re begging me to listen to this one. Just look at the title. Aww.

Oh? Hachi awase no (kana) sounds really, really cool.
….
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!
Why didn’t they replace the vocalists?! Whyyyyyyyyy?
It seems that the second those damn vocals come on, the instruments stop being… good. I don’t know how to explain it, but this is one of the cases where the singing literally ruins the music.

(kanji)ita mama de listen to me (ORIGINAL MIX) is track two. Again, they’re trying to keep me listening. That’s so pitiful, Barbee Boys. If you want people to keep listening, kick those vocalists out!

Dear Wagamama Eirian… Did he just say “Juicy eyes, rosy face”? What the hell? Well, the woman will just repeat him, so maybe I can see if they really did. I hope not.
Somehow, this is even less interesting than the others. It’s like they aren’t even trying..

Gomen Nasai is track four. See? See? They’re finally apologizing to me for the things I’ve had to endure (gomen nasai means “sorry” in Japanese for the stupid and uninformed. Oh, you know I’m just kidding).

Onna gitsune on the run (ORIGINAL “BIG BOWL” VERSION) is just…
The album is getting progressively worse as time goes on. By this point they’re really aren’t any redeeming qualities. It’s just a steaming pile of 90s crap.

Waai Waai Wai starts with that saxophone. That’s getting pretty annoying by this point.
And “Waai Waai Wai” is what I’ve been saying this entire time. “Waai Waai Wai didn’t they kick them out?! Waai Waai Wai were they signed?!”

(kanji) de (kanji) ru Papa he no Tegami really is just no different from the others. It’s track seven. That’s it. That’s all it has going for it.
It’s pretty damn lazy the chorus is just them repeating the title twice. Nice going, Barbee Boys.

(kanji) no (kanji) is just about as unique as Aikawa Nanase’s “R.U.O.K.?!”. (It’s in the tags, find it yourself.)

Noisy is going to sound identical to the others; I know that even before the thing starts. And look at that! It does!
To fans of Barbee Boys out there: Are you honestly able to tell the difference between these songs? If so, how?! It just floors me.

Kuchi ni (kana)yakku is so boring, I let the entire song go by without me noticing. I was trying to figure out that one kana and just let it slip by. Well, that doesn’t upset me in the slightest.

The last track! The last fucking track! The last fucking track!! I’m so much closer to never having to listen to this damn band again. So close. But, I still have another album. Please god, let it be a single, a maxi-single… Even a mini-album! I can’t sit through another full length album by these people!

1 out of 5.
This is somehow worse than the last album. The only good quality is that the first track has really amazing instruments. If only the vocalists didn’t have to ruin everything in their wake.

Now, let’s see the track number on the last of Barbee Boys album I own… Oh, let it be short, let it be short, let it be short, big money, big money, big money, whammy!
Huh? Oh, the track number, right.

…
…
Fuck.
It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. There’s only nine tracks.
Oh, I’m going insane.


Album: 3rd. Break

Well, I’ve lost all hope. The first track sounds exactly like everything else this poor excuse for a band has shat out of its uncreative intestines. (What, was that too descriptive?)
And you know that they had to be at least mildly popular if they made three albums.
A fanbase… Ohh, I long to know what the Barbee Boys fandom is like.

Don namon dai (kana) really does nothing to bring some variety, I see. I have the greatest urge to just slap the hell out of this band and scold them for what they’ve done.

Haya Mattara iya Daze (I think I’m getting worse at deciphering these titles) seems to try to make it edgier or something. I don’t know, it’s just bad. Bad, bad, bad. I hate this band so much, they are easily one of the unlikeable bands I’ve ever heard. I just get the overwhelming feeling that they’re pretentious dicks. Kind of the same feeling I get when I listen to U2, except that I know they’re pretentious dicks.

Track four is terrible, too.

Track five is amazing!
Wouldn’t you be surprised if I said something like that? Yeah, except I’m not going to. Track five is awful as well.

Okay, you know what? Enough. Just fucking enough. I hate this band, I hate everything about this god damn band and I hope I never am forced to listen to it again. I am deleting every last speck of Barbee Boys off my hard drive and the second I hear their music again, I am going to have a nervous breakdown. If I hear one millisecond of their music from this point on, you will find me half naked on the toilet eating crayons and naming my eye-crud.
FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCCKKKK.

0 out of 5.
I was merciful on the first two albums, but at this point, no pity. Zero zero zero zero zero. No, this is absolute zero out of five. Nothing is lower, it’s absolute zero.

Beatniks are my next review. I have some faith in them, so let’s hope for the best. After this torture, I need something quality.
If Beatniks don’t deliver, I’m going to lose it.