Black Cats' "Cream Soda Presents"

Artist: Black Cats (Japan)
Album: Cream Soda Presents (1981)

So, is it safe to assume that this is going to be some sort of faux-fifties band? I guess we’ll see. That could either be very good or very bad. It could be the next Stray Cats, or something godawful.

Well, Love Story sounds like a very cheesy, older bubblegum pop song. It’s pretty much one of the lamer songs I’ve heard in a while. Not really a huge fan of it, although the guitars are nice.

Kanashiki Teddy Boy is track two and holy shit I already like it better.
The guitars are fantastic, the bass is just excellent, but I’m not sure how to feel about the vocals. In fact, I really don’t like the vocals at all. They really just don’t fit well, and it kind of ruins it for me. The music itself is very fun, just the singing… it’s awfully annoying.

I’m counting on Jeannie, Jeannie, Jeannie to change my opinions.
Oh god, no. No, no, no, no. Those vocals are some of the worst I have ever heard. They really don’t work at all and they actually make me want to rage.
I don’t know, someone else might feel differently, but I think they’re intolerable, and I have a very high tolerance for bad singers (as I’ve said before). They kind of make everything fall apart. It sounds like a bastardization of rockabilly; a humiliation to the fifties. Well, not that bad, but close.

Ano Musume no Fanii Feisu… Well, his vocals are better, I guess. It still sounds like a failure to imitate Elvis or something, but hey, I’ll take anything. The song itself isn’t much special, though. There are so many other rockabilly-revival bands that are miles ahead of these guys, why even bother.
The background singer is substantially worse than the lead. I mean, he is just terrible. He sounds like fucking Dynamite Tommy from Color, my lord. And being compared to Tommy is basically like saying, “You’re a talentless singer, get the hell out”.
Even Color fans know that Tommy has one of the worst voices in major music history.
Oh, back to Black Cats. Yeah, they’re as bad as Color.

Cover Girl…. Ughhhhhh. They’re really pushing this 50s thing on me, aren’t they? That’s something we call, “Trying too hard”. I mean, I know that a lot of 50s music really did sound similar to this, but… Christ, try to make it enjoyable to a younger generation, too. Stray Cats really succeeded in that.
This is just so damn boring, though.
Not as bad, just yawn worthy.

I thought that track six, When, would be some kind of ballad, but it’s literally indistinguishable from Cover Girl. Really, you guys, you’re taking everything bad about 50s music and incorporating it into your music. Stop it.
Luckily for me, they also imitated the short song lengths.

Singapore Nights is hardly note worthy at all. I honest to God can’t tell these songs apart. I’m surprised at the complete lack of variety and creativity. It just sucks.

Well, so far, Drive Good sounds… slightly different? Okay, never mind. By about 50 seconds, it’s even worse than the others. Partly because of Dynamite Tommy’s twin or whatever. But mainly because this band is so devoid of all sense of originality.

Yume no Big Machine… Apart from the song title making no sense…
Sigh.
Just sigh.

Well, here is track 12 out of 14. At this point, I feel like hurting someone. Honestly, I feel like punching the next person I see, just because I can.

Track 13: I’m homicidal. The next person I see, I will kill. I can’t fucking take this damn band! It’s like Barbee Boys all over again! Oh god, why am I being forced to relive that hell!

Track 14: Now I feel suicidal. Just kill me now, I can’t listen to another whole track. The only thing keeping me going is the thought, “Yes!! This is the last track!!”

Okay, you know what. No. No no no no no. I’m not even going to try. Black Cats, the last track, is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard.

1 out of 5
Fuck this band, fuck me for even downloading it.